Because You Love Me Because I Don't Love You
by shattered hourglass
Summary: I need to keep doing this. If you were to find out now, ever, that I don’t love you, that I never loved you, it would destroy you. So I will continue to do this for as long for as you want. I will do it, because you love me. Even though I don’t love you.


**Because You Love Me. Because I Don't Love You.**

By: Shattered Hourglass

Disclaimer: I do not own Beyblade.

Hands gripping, sweat dripping, my hungry mouth devouring yours.

I swallow your whimpers. I sooth your pain. I do everything for you.

Because you love me.

Because I don't love you.

It was fine when it started. I took your affections as nothing more than puppy love. When you came to me; blushing, your eyes unable to meet my own; asking shyly if I wanted a date, I saw no harm in saying yes. After all, you were cute, sweet, lovable Max. Too young to love, and too childish to lust.

A mistake on my part, I will admit it.

After all, causal hugs, reassuring touches, you gave those to everyone freely. It was no surprise that you clung to my hand whenever we were together, our fingers intertwined. I thought it was cute when you swung our arms back and forth as we walked. Your kisses were cute too. A little sloppy, a little hurried, a peck and a blush as you pulled away.

I forget when your kisses and touches stopped being cute and innocent and started to be wanting and lustful.

Here I am making you sound like some whore with that last thought. I was your first, and knowing you, I'll be your last.

I suppose it was my own fault. I never took your affections seriously. I just looked at it as some littlefling that would last a few months. After that, your attention would stray, and we would drift apart; still good friends and teammates in the long run. You would find someone else who loved you just as much as you loved them. You would be happy.

So when you grew bolder, I did nothing to stop it. I would gladly kiss you back with as much passion as you threw at me. I would let my hands wander as yours tentatively explored, getting bolder with each session. When you would pull away from a kiss, panting softly, lips bruised red, and cheeks flushed; when you murmured that soft "I love you," I saw no harm with answering "I love you too."

I should have stopped it there. I should have made my feelings for you clear; that no, I didn't love you. You were a close friend, one of my best friends; but not my love.

Would have, could have, should have, didn't. I did nothing. Absolutely nothing.

It was too late, it seemed. You were in love.

Everyone knew. We went from being good friends to the perfect couple in a matter of a few hours after they discovered we were dating. Everyone was happy for us. Though I'm not going to lie about having to listen to threats and promises of severe pain and misery if I hurt you from Rick, Michelle, Eddy, even Emily made sure to tell me she'd make my life a living hell if I made you cry.

You just laughed when I told you, and said that I would never make you cry.

It was those words, that completely trusting smile that made me continue this charade. I would do anything for you to keep that smile, even if it only hurt me.

When you wanted to make love as you called it, for the first time, I couldn't say no.

It wasn't because of teenage hormones or the seductive way you looked up at me from beneath long lashes. It was because when you asked, when you suggested it with eyes so open and trusting, I didn't have the heart to say no. I couldn't crush you by telling you, yes I like you, but I don't love you.

Then, that night; I kissed you, I touched you, I took away your purity. While you made love to me, I had sex with you.

How long ago was that? Days? Weeks? Months?

Ever since then, every night when you've felt affectionate, or lonely, or simply a little playful, we reenact that one night. You lay on the bed below me; eyes open and trusting, soft whimpers of pain and pleasure escaping your lips, whispering soft 'I love you's. I lay atop you; groaning softly, kissing hungrily, making sure every moment is full of pleasure and not pain.

You make love to me with all your heart.

I have sex with you with all my guilt.

Now, lying in the afterglow, you're beautiful. I don't have to love you to think that. You smile, tired and content with the warmth of my bed and body. A soft giggle or two sneak past your lips as stray strands of my long, raven colored hair tickle your cheeks.

Cuddling against my side, inhaling my scent, resting your head against my chest; you are quick to fall asleep.

I stay awake, and let my tanned fingers slide through your golden hair.

I wonder how much longer I can keep this up. How much longer can I lie to you as I take advantage of you? Yes, I am taking advantage. You think I love you. That's why you are so quick to give yourself to me. What I'm doing to you is no different than raping you!

Dear gods, I'm raping you.

Each and every single night you come to me, every time you think we're making love, I'm raping you.

You body, your mind, your soul; I dirty them all.

But, I need to keep doing this. If you were to find out now, ever, that I don't love you, that I never loved you, it would destroy you.

So I will continue to do this for as long for as you want. I will do it, because you love me…

Even though I don't love you.


End file.
